Thursday, February 10, 2011

On Internal Conflict and Life Balance

I often feel the different sides of myself playing tug-of-war over my time, attention and conscience. This awareness of internal conflict is most often brought to the forefront of my mind when one part of me is feeling guilty for neglecting the others. Am I alone in the ever constant desire to be a better mom, a better wife, a better member, a better professional, a better me? I think not. But is it healthy to torment myself for being unable to do everything full throttle - all at once? Definitely not.

When I feel overwhelmed by my shortcomings and guilt ridden for my lack of perfection (or anything near it), I have to force myself to breathe - in and out, in and out. It is when I am quiet and contemplative that I remember this: balance is the key to juggling my many hats (and every juggler drops a ball -or hat- now and then).

Why is it that we each must be our own worst critic? It is a horrible (yet necessary) plague from which so many of us suffer. If we didn't see our own failures or flaws what would push us towards self-improvement? I can only resolve to allow a bit more self-forgiveness in all areas so that I can fully enjoy the time I spend in each.

And so today I will clean (but not scour), make a meal (but feel no pressure to create a culinary masterpiece), play with my son (and not think about my list of to-dos at the home or office), and revel a bit more in time with my husband (without obsessing that my tummy isn't rock hard when he touches it).

1 comment:

  1. Very well said. I often criticize myself for losing my patience with the girls and beat myself up. After talking with Zeb, he always tell me that if I didn't strive to be better, that's when there is cause for concern. So each day I choose my attitude. Instead of saying "have a great dat," try "choose a good day." Afterall, we are the only ones that choose OUR attitude and how we will be. I love you tons. You are such a wonderful person.