Tuesday, September 11, 2012

My Best Boy

In some ways I would love it if Connor is our only boy so that I can always call him "My Best Boy." (Robby, of course, is a man so this in no way conflicts with his high ranking position.) I love my only baby (for two more months) more than words can even begin to express. He has lit up mine and Robby's entire world.

My heart nearly gets ripped out of my chest every time I read the blog of my sister's very close friend, Cindy Hansen. Cindy's little boy, Atticus, passed away three months ago after a tough battle with cancer. My heart breaks for their family. I instantly thought of Cindy when, the other night, Robby showed me this video of Taylor Swift singing "Ronan"about a sweet little four year old who also died of cancer. (Note: Only watch this video if you are in a place where you can cry. Also, you can purchase the song on iTunes and the proceeds all go to cancer research.)


I can't imagine the pain of losing my precious little boy and cannot fathom the Hell that these parents go through. One positive I take away from the tragedies that these families have had to endure is that you MUST cherish the time you have with your children. Savor it. Soak in every second. Stop and play with your children. Read them the same book over and over if they want you to. Snuggle an extra few minutes at night - even when you just want to go collapse into your own bed. Breathe your children in and remember the sweet moments that the Lord gives us with His special spirits.

I am terrible about keeping Connor's baby book up to date. In the interest of preserving some of my favorite memories, and the silly things he says, I'll take a minute here to do it. (Now if I can remember to print this post out and then stick it in his baby book.)

Connor will sing me the words from the book I'll Love You Forever. The first time I read it to him I started to read the words and he said, "No, Mommy. It says she sings the song!" So I used the tune from a church song and sang the words from the book. Connor loves for me to sing it to him at bed time. Recently, Connor changed the words (like the boy at the end) and he will sing to me: "I'll love you forever. I'll like you for always. As long as I'm living my mommy you'll be." It melts my heart. He also sings the song to my tummy so that Baby Madelynn can hear it (he does say "my baby you'll be" at the end when he is singing it to Maddy).

Connor is one quick thinker and can find a way to get away with almost anything. If I have told him he should not say a word, he will tell me that the word actually means something else (and make up his own definition). In his little mind, he has found the perfect solution to still saying the naughty word. Unfortunately, Mommy doesn't agree and the consequence still has to be had.

I asked Connor to pick up his toys a couple Saturdays ago and he said to me (after a big sigh), "I only get ONE Saturday a WEEK!" I died laughing (especially since luck had it that he said it on a Saturday). He never ceases to amaze me with his spunk.

I can't believe my boy is almost three and a half, has started preschool and is little Mr. Independent. Time has flown by and I still remember how his sweet little newborn body felt in my arms.

Robby and I both get the biggest kick out of one of Connor's latest habits. If he is particularly excited about something or wants your agreement, he will say "Huh, Mommy?! Right? Right?!" Or a similar phrase of encouragement and assent. Something about it is so hilarious.

I can never get enough of the moments when Connor will put his hands on my face, give me one kiss after another, and tell me that he loves me. He'll then ask me to say, "Aww, that's so sweet." 

I love having my own personal super hero. Connor's current favorite is a made up hero named "Lava Word Boy" who can turn bad guys into lava rock statues with the touch of his finger, can fly, shoot lasers out of his eyes, and is the best super hero ever! His imagination is endless and his laughter and joy for life is infectious.

This may seem like a morbid post because of the beginning and what prompted me to preserve these little Connorisms. I, however, like to think that the story of those precious little boys is reminding me to be a better mommy. To focus on the positives and cherish every moment with my son (and, soon, my daughter). We all have difficult days as parents when we can't believe how taxing it can be to be a mom. On days like this I remind myself that these moms would give anything to have even one more hard day with their sweet children who left this earth so soon. I truly believe that a part of the reasons that these moms share their stories is so that the legacy of their babies impacts the lives of others.

I am so grateful that I do not know the pain that these mothers have had to endure and refuse to take even a minute with my loved ones for granted. I feel a little guilty for expressing gratitude for not having to experience their trials, but I will continue to try and support them through my prayers and silent admiration for their strength.